Confessions of a Surrogate Mother

“I am scared that what I have done is a very bad act. God will punish me for it. It is a secret that will remain with me and my husband”

I regret what I have done. I long to see the face of the child I delivered, and to hold it. I do not even know what child I delivered. The doctors did not reveal any detail to me.

I got Rs 3 lakh for the baby and it is a lot of money for me and my husband. I was very surprised at my husband’s insistence that I carry a surrogate child. This child is not for anyone in the family but for someone who lives abroad. It is difficult to agree to something like this. But the nine months passed extremely quickly. We were contacted by someone who said that a doctor in Bandra was looking for a surrogate mother.

My husband asked a lot of details and then got in touch with the doctor. We were not told the name of the couple or any other details. I ate the best food during the period of my pregnancy. The couple who wanted the child made sure that I was given the best.

It took a lot of convincing for me to become a surrogate mother. I cannot say why I decided to do it, but I did it. I have two children who are grown up now. So when I was pregnant, the couple rented out a room for me in a modest housing project. My husband and I stayed there. Our condition was that they will look after all our needs. They agreed to do it. We were instructed against interacting with the neighbours. A woman who was close to the couple kept a watch on us and my diet.

She did not talk much. I think she just wanted to be anonymous to us. Right from the beginning, we were told that we should not form any attachments with the child I was carrying. Where can I even look for my child? The sex of the child was never revealed to us by anyone. Now I feel sad.

I am scared that what I have done is a very bad act. God will punish me for it. It is a secret that will remain with me and my husband. We cannot reveal it to anyone. The wealth we have earned has focused many eyes on us.

As told to Haima Deshpande

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arindam