The Mark of Motherhood

IN A CONVERSATION WITH Mark Zuckerberg at Facebook headquar­ters in September 2015, a visibly emotion­al Narendra Modi recalled the sacrifices that his mother, Heeraben, had made to bring up her children: hard-up for re­sources to keep her home fires burning, she filled water for other people’s homes and cleaned their dirty dishes to supple­ment the family income. Garlanding her in a video-run with the interview, Modi emphasised his family’s lower middle-class moorings and his mother’s daily struggles to feed, clothe and educate her children. “My mother is as simple as she is extraordinary,” he had asserted.

Like thousands of mothers like her, Heeraben sacrificed her own dreams and aspirations so that her kids could have a better life than her own. “My heartfelt salute to all such mothers,” Modi— whose own videos of washing his aged mother’s feet, touching the water rev­erentially to his eyes, and hugging her on visits to her home have gone viral— said, adding, “This incredible nature of all mothers is unmatched by anyone else and highly inspirational, I pray their blessings give us strength and lead us on the right path all our lives.”

A mother is the world’s best but most unsung life-coach to her ward, whether she is mother to a prime minister, a techie billionaire, or a child from a poor family selling tea on a railway platform. She is extraordinary in her simplicity and her strength. And motherhood is the most miraculous thing in the universe which births that most special bond between a child and its primary caregiver. A moth­er is birth-giver, nurturer, primary and selfless provider, protector, pathfinder, teacher and guide, and an unendingly deep well of love and sacrifice. At her weakest and most defeating moments in life, it is only a mother who can dig deep into herself to find strength, to put up the fiercest defence of her offspring.

In the ‘Devi Aparadha Kshamapana Stotram’, Adi Shankaracharya said:

“(O Mother) neither your mantra, nor yantra (do I know); and alas, not even I know your stuti (eulogy),/ I do not know how to in­voke you through dhyana (meditation); (and alas), not even I know how to simply recite your glories (stuti-katha),/ I do not know your mudras (to contemplate on you); (and alas), not even I know how to simply cry for you,/ However, one thing I know (for certain); fol­lowing you (somehow through remembrance however imperfectly) will take away all my afflictions (of my mind).”

Cutting across species, nature has in­delibly implanted this quality of incred­ible love and sacrifice, strength and protec­tion for the offspring in mothers. Among some species, for instance, if the mother dies in childbirth, the grandmother will take on the responsibility of nurturing the orphaned offspring, naturally. More amazingly, a mother who lost her chil­dren will naturally nurture the kids of another mother who lost her life. But while the offspring of other species grow to independence and adulthood early, humans remain tethered emotionally to their mothers and mother figures all their lives. Hindu scripture hails the prodigious love of a mother as do those of other major religions. Across beliefs, motherhood is ac­cepted as a crucible, the fulcrum, of all that is good and benign and as the most selfless, unconditional love in the universe.

The latest research in science only endorses the belief that the strongest bond in nature is that of the mother and the nurtured young. A groundbreaking study led by Pilyoung Kim, now with the National Institute of Mental Health, is re­ported to have conclusively demonstrat­ed how one prepares for the enormous task of caring for a fragile newborn: the brain adapts so it comes ‘naturally’ to care for a child. It also proved that adult brains are neuroplastic—and validated the con­ventional wisdom that love is transfor­mative, triggered by a remarkable agent called oxytocin. Memory, ethical values, the sense of smell and taste, all of these are imbibed from the mother/nurturer and enhanced through the life of a child.

On psychology.com, psychiatrist Eva Ritvo maintains that research demon­strates the critical role of the interaction between the child and his or her primary caregiver, usually the mother. The mother-child bond is clearly the strongest force in childhood development, and it goes on to impact the adult that the child will be­come. The depth and quality of that love has a huge impact on adult well-being. She writes: “Dads, aunts, siblings, grand­parents, step-parents, and others can be vitally important to children, of course, but there’s something special about moms—and scientists have demonstrat­ed the powerful impact of moms. While children are clearly capable of forming multiple bonds, the mother bond has long been known to be of primary importance. Carl Jung wrote that the very first arche­type we build in our brain comes from our mothers, which means that before there is even the self, there is ‘mama’. In fact, al­most every known culture has a similar informal word for mother—ma, mom, mommy, mama. It comes from nursing. As the baby takes a breath while nursing, mamamamama is the sound that comes out. That’s a pretty primal connection.”

In an older generation, when mothers gave to their intimate bonds with their children the highest priority despite big personal sacrifices, they did not need doctoral advice or a psychological study to follow what came naturally to them. When Prime Minister Modi’s outwardly frail but inwardly alert and strong moth­er turned a centenarian recently, he took to his blog to celebrate the privilege that not too many have the good fortune to ex­perience. “Today, I feel extremely happy and fortunate to share that my mother Smt. Heeraba Modi is entering her hun­dredth year. This is going to be her birth centenary year.” he wrote.

DESPITE HER STATUS, thanks to the position Modi rose to as the most popular head of government in the country twice over, her simplicity en­dured. Her son may have become prime minister of the biggest democracy in the world but Heeraben had accompanied him publicly on only two occasions. In his blog post when she turned 100, Modi highlighted those two instances: first, it was at a public event in Ahmedabad when she applied tilak to his forehead after his return from Srinagar. (He had hoisted the national flag at Lal Chowk completing the Ekta Yatra); and second, when he took oath as chief minister of Gujarat in 2001.

With Zuckerberg later, Modi main­tained that Heeraben had remained humble despite everything. She may have been illiterate but kept herself aware and updated on current affairs and issues through television. Modi wrote on his blog: “Recently, I asked her how long she watches TV every day. She replied that most people on TV are busy fighting with each other, and that she only watches those who calmly read out the news and explain everything. I was pleasantly surprised that my mother keeps track of so much.” Modi also learnt how to be determined and focused on the task at hand from his mother. She remained sharp in the mind even as she aged. In 2017, when the prime minister took home prasad for her from the Kashi Vishwanath temple, Heeraben clearly recalled how, when she had visited the temple years ago, it had seemed as if it was located in a household’s backyard. Not only did she keep abreast of events but she was also an aware citizen who voted in every election from panchayat to Parliament. Heeraben, Modi acknowl­edged, taught him how one could be wise by learning from life’s lessons without actually receiving a formal education. Recalling his childhood under her care, Modi said, “My mother is as simple as she is extraordinary. Just like all mothers.”

A mother not only gives birth to her children but also shapes their minds, their personalities, and their self-confi­dence. Recalling hardships his mother faced during her childhood, Modi nar­rated an incident that demonstrated her humility, simplicity and untold wisdom. He wanted to publicly honour all his teachers at an event, including his biggest teacher—his mother. Heeraben, though, declined. She told Modi, “I am an ordinary person. I may have given birth to you, but you have been taught and brought up by the Almighty.” Heeraben did not attend the event but she ensured that Modi called a family member of Jethabhai Joshi, the teacher who taught him the alphabet at the local school when he was a kid. “Her thought pro­cess and farsighted thinking have always surprised me,” he said.

Although Heeraben lost her own mother in childhood, she put her all into bringing up her own children. Modi wrote: “She does not even remember my grandmother’s face or the comfort of her lap. She spent her entire childhood without her mother.” Nor did that stop her from spreading her motherly love to children not her own. Modi wrote in his blog that after the untimely death of his father, she nurtured Abbas, the child of a family friend, through his education. Heeraben also cooked and distributed sweets to neighbourhood kids during festivities, including Eid, delighting in spreading happiness.

When it rained, the roof of their hum­ble home in Vadnagar, with mud walls and clay-tiles, would leak and the house would flood. Heeraben would rush to place buckets and utensils beneath the leaks to protect the children. She did all household chores herself but worked as a domestic help for others to supple­ment the family’s meagre income. And she still found time to spin the charkha. “Even in the most adverse of situations, my mother was still an abiding symbol of resilience,” Modi said. Those lessons in re­silience and hard work have inspired the prime minister on his journey in politics.

Heeraben’s respect for those involved in cleaning and sanitation has also been an inspiration for Modi in launching a first in the country, the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan. Modi recalled how his mother revered sanitation workers and insisted on serving tea to those deputed to clean the drain near their home. On Modi’s elevation to chief minister of Gujarat in 2001, she told him, “I don’t understand your work in the government but I don’t want you to ever take a bribe. Do not do anything ill to anyone and always work for the poor.” That later became the inspi­ration for Modi’s Garib Kalyan Yojana.

LONG AFTER HE became prime minister, Heeraben remained an abiding symbol of piety and simplicity, sporting no ornament and keeping to her small room in her other son’s house. Hailing the values of an almost ascetic simplicity and hard work that his mother had impressed upon him, Modi had told Open in an interview (‘It Is Important That Every Youngster Get Opportuni­ties’, October 11, 2021) that the trajec­tory he had traversed from a tea hawker to prime minister of the world’s largest democracy only heightened his awe of its people who could pick a poor child and elevate him to the highest position: “I feel privileged that the people of this country have given me such huge responsibilities and continue to repose their trust in me. This is the strength of our democracy. As for me selling tea as a child and later be­coming the prime minister of our nation, I see this very differently from how you see it. I feel that the 130 crore people of India have the same capabilities that I have. What I have achieved, can be achieved by anyone.”

Even when her son decided to leave home, it was her support and encour­agement to follow the path signalled by his conscience that spurred Modi to dedicate his public life to the betterment of the poorest in India. The influence that Heeraba’s values have had on her son was clearly a catalyst for a mental and ideological unshackling and a far-reaching transformation. Modi said on his blog: “In my mother’s life story, I see the penance, sacrifice, and contribution of India’s matrushakti. Whenever I look at Mother and crores of women like her, I find there is nothing that is unachievable for Indian women. Far beyond every tale of deprivation, is the glorious story of a mother, far above every struggle, is the strong resolve of a mother.”

deathHeeraba ModimotherNarendra ModiobituarySwachh Bharat Abhiyan