Three Gandhis

IT IS THE immense good fortune of the Congress MPs that they will have not one, not two, but three Gandhis to fawn over in Parliament. Courtiers never had it so good. Even Indira Gandhi at any given time had proffered but one member of her family to the creepy-crawlies for whom Indira was India and India was Indira. Her daughter-in-law has done better. Watching over from Rajya Sabha with a mix of motherly pride and affection, we are certain she will ensure that the designated claimants to the Delhi Sultanate command the phalanx of MPs in Parliament and the other foot soldiers of the Family with becoming authority.

After all, hadn’t the outcome of the recent Lok Sabha polls put the stamp of legitimacy on the dynastic project? Should in the not-so-distant future there arise a question of seniority between the siblings, we are confident the doting mother would establish the pecking order and thus relieve us of the painful dilemma of deciding which totem to worship more. You see, we cannot claim agency of our own.

As humble Congressmen, we have a minor problem though. It hurts that Samajwadi Akhilesh Yadav has stolen a march over us insofar as he has more members of his family for public service than does our Grand Old Party of Nehru and Gandhi. Besides Akhilesh and his wife, he has three first cousins flanking him in Lok Sabha while uncle, Ram Gopal Yadav, safeguards samajwad in Rajya Sabha. This hurts all the more given that Congress was the original proponent of samajwad, having famously exhorted the poor, toiling Indians to rally around the heady ‘Garibi Hatao’ slogan way back in 1971.

How can the newbie Samajwadis from UP be allowed to outnumber our great family? Yes, how? Why not get Robert Vadrajee into Parliament? Remember, he has often expressed a desire to serve the people, telling us how he would take the plunge at the right time. We believe the right time is now. Kishori Lal, the long-time family retainer, will only be too happy to vacate the Amethi seat for the jamai babu. Let us get our family fiefdom back from a mere retainer. Vadrajee in Parliament will be an asset for the party, nay, the nation, imparting firsthand knowledge from his career as a successful businessman on how to get-rich-in-double-quick-time.

Some of the jobless youths who voted for us will really feel inspired by the success story.

It occurs to me if we have to beat Akhilesh at his own game, we can sound out our estranged cousin and his mother, who for the first time in a long while find themselves out of Parliament. Remember, Akhilesh kissed and made up with uncle Shivpal, even getting his son, Aditya, into Parliament from Badaun in UP in this election. Our aunt Maneka lost this time, while cousin Varun was denied a ticket by Modi. Now that we have established beyond an iota of doubt that our branch of the Nehru-Gandhi family is the real inheritor of its political legacy, let us be magnanimous and extend the hand of friendship in a spirit of bygones-be-bygones and facilitate the entry of either Varun or his mother into Parliament.

Such a gesture of goodwill will help put aside the bitterness of over four decades and bring together the immediate families of Indira Gandhi’s sons. Besides, both Maneka and Varun no longer have official accommodation to shelter their huge number of stray dogs they care for with some passion. And remember, Varun has been a bitter critic of Modi even while being an MP. He needs no prompting, no scripts to lash out at the government. Let us at least get him into Parliament so that he can continue to do what he was doing while being a BJP MP, that is, abusing Modi.

MEANWHILE, WE siblings have to be prepared for a vicious attack by the ruling party in Parliament. They will rightly read Priyanka’s entry into Lok Sabha as an act of defiance, a dare to the ruling party to keep chanting ‘naamzade’. Whatever little chance of orderly parliamentary functioning there was, may have vanished with the double-barrel Gandhi onslaught. Forget reasoned debates, daily bedlam is guaranteed.

About The Author

Virendra Kapoor