A Proverbial Guide to the Polls

MY CONTRIBUTION TO the science of deciphering election campaigns is a puzzle composed of Russian proverbs. All clues are hidden in one or more of them. Do the math. Those in fewer traps will limp, fatigued but delighted, towards the victor’s altar on June 4.

– A spoken word is not a sparrow; once it flies out it can’t be caught.
– One old friend is better than two new ones.
– The past is a lighthouse, not a port.
– If you chase two rabbits, you won’t catch either.
– Don’t run from a wolf into a bear.
– If you wake up without pain, you are dead.
– Don’t go to another monastery with your own rules.
– You can’t bite your own elbow.
– Better to be slapped by the truth than kissed by a lie.
– The only free cheese is in the mousetrap.

IF YOU WANT to check the state of play, ignore the bombast of self-proclaimed analysts, most of whom have just emerged from a long conversation with their mirror. Check the cheese.

When cheese moves up on the agenda, you can be sure it is a sign of nerves. A political party suddenly announces mid-campaign that every woman will get ₹1,00,000 annually if it wins. No one, naturally, cares to explain how this will be funded. Given that there are roughly 500 million women voters in this election, and many more claimants outside the voting list, this particular election bait adds up to an expenditure of a number of crores beyond my comprehension of arithmetic. Indians will be smoking their currency if this is funded by a laissez-faire treasury rather than tax revenue. But there is little real cost to such bizarre promises because all that is on offer is illusion. Only the faithful nod their heads. The majority of voters are interested in tested value, not hokum.

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