The Ghusedu Culture

SOMETHING IS RADICALLY wrong with our country, as in seriously wrong. The concept of private spaces has vanished. People talk to you at proximities that would make them hear your heartbeat. There is no concept of distancing: social or otherwise. Get into the elevator and even though the damn elevator is empty, the bloke getting in will come and stand right next to you as if you are his messiah. Forget the whiffs of body odour and other smells, there is just nothing you can do. The other day in a hotel elevator, a bloke came and stood right next to me. I could even see the beginnings of his toupée and when I told him to move ahead, he was aghast and took it as an insult; not that it bothered me. Stand in line to enter an aircraft and you will observe the same damn thing. People will push into you with their ugly bodies or with their strollers to enter an aircraft into which all of us are hopefully headed. Not to mention when the plane lands and the jostling begins. For years, I have had a silent prayer that the seat next to mine is vacant on a flight because the last thing I want is to indulge in mindless conversation with some dolt. We have no manners when it comes to eating either. Eating with your mouth open is now a minor offence. I know of people who like to spread their food by splattering it all over your face and there is nothing you can do. Well, in the good old days, I was politer and would brush it off (literally, at times): but I no longer do so. I call that person out for being the sprayer that he or she is.

One wonders why this is happening at all. Is it a lack of parenting? Have we got the wrong kind of role models? Are our schools no longer the places where they teach you how to behave in public? Is society now nonchalant about these niceties as it grapples with its inherent avarice and lust for both money and power? More recently, a celebrated photographer (celebrated in his own mind) was at someone’s home, and after every bite of caramelised prawn, he would proceed to wipe his fingers on the host’s white sofa. All of us saw it but only I mustered the courage to call this scoundrel out. And how was he punished? By him never being invited to that house again. But then I wonder how many sofas have been attacked by this rude charlatan.

The other day in a hotel elevator, a bloke came and stood right next to me. I could even see the beginnings of his toupée and when I told him to move ahead, he was aghast and took it as an insult. Stand in line to board an aircraft and you observe the same thing

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Look at the world of hotels for a moment and you will find things going horribly wrong. I have had many occasions to actually have people thrown out of swimming pools when they have been swimming in their night clothes, not to mention the army of rascals who come out in their night clothes for breakfast every morning in various coffee shops. Something is seriously amiss. Without sounding elitist, it may have something to do with new money which believes it has arrived and shouldn’t be bothered with niceties. If you are in a hotel in London, no matter how well-heeled it is, be prepared for boorish Arabs who have a sleep cycle of their own and who are owlish at night causing a ruckus, but because they spend so much, even the hotels are reluctant to throw them out.

This invasion of unseemly behaviour and our private spaces is best summed up by one word: ghusedu. Which is an adaptation of the Hindi word ghuso (enter), and this is what we do with zero-finesse. Invade oases of calmness and elegance with boorish and outlandish behaviour. Some of the so-called finest families take pride in getting both the groom and the horse drunk when there’s a family marriage; no wonder their marriages take the shape and form they eventually do.

From airlines to railways to private dinners, there is almost an invasion of the roughish kind and either no one wants to do anything or, perhaps, can do anything. And how these intransigencies are condoned is even more unforgivable. “Let them be, they are just having fun”: this justification is the worst kind of legitimacy of bad manners.

About The Author

Suhel Seth

Suhel Seth is Managing Partner of Counselage India and can be reached at suhel@counselage.com

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