Sex is best had fresh. Nothing says fake orgasms better than familiarity. The more unexpected, the hotter. The more delayed, the wilder. Those first few months, when you constantly ache to touch, when a wink can make you blush and a single rude word can break your heart, when sitting by the phone becomes routine (even on nights when you don’t expect a phone call)–I often wonder if all this delicious new energy could ever be channelled to last forever. I must have been living under a rock because it turns out, it already has.
New Relationship Energy or NRE is the best thing I’ve come across since Pina Colada condoms. Known informally as the ‘grandfather of puppy love’, NRE is all about prolonging the intense sexual and emotional chemistry experienced at the beginning of any relationship. You’re basically about to be on a first date for life. And there’s no better place to try it out than a mid-week sex party.
“May I touch you?” were the first words out of his mouth. When I didn’t respond right away, he held out a white rose. All around me similar white roses were being handed around. They were a symbol of the giver’s commitment to NRE. This young man, that old man, that really old man were faithfully promising all the other guests that they were going to treat them with respect. There’s no force, no extreme pain, no commitment, no Facebook friend requests, no rudeness and no routine to be found here. Everyone asks, everyone relaxes, everyone has the right to personal space and everyone is seriously arbitrary. “Want to try the sex hula hoop?” asked my suitor. “Or there’s sex carom board, sex yoga, sex kabaddi …we could just watch a movie and cuddle,” he rattled on. We ended up spending the night in the TV room, watching Powerpuff Girls and cuddling with eight other people over bowls of Chinese food. Who knew that sugar, spice and chicken fried rice could be such a turn on?
But to be fair, I’m not entirely sure just how effective NRE will be in prolonging romantic craving. It’s all really fun and surprising at first. Stuff like the sex hula hoop (you swing the hoop round and round, while your lover, or lovers, do what they want with you) is ever-so intriguing, even if you’re too shy to try it out. And the competition, knowing you aren’t exclusive, certainly keeps you on your toes. But then unpredictability itself eventually becomes a routine.
I’ve come up with my own modified version of NRE (call it the great-grandfather of puppy love, if you will). I just let it be. What will happen, will happen. Sometimes effort is the worst thing you can put into a relationship or sex. All that thinking, planning, skirting, deciding, stressing and scheming is exhausting. I’ve found when I put most of my energy into other activities–a hobby, a holiday or even work–the leftover energy never really goes stale. This isn’t exactly ‘New Relationship Energy’… just good old ‘Relationship Energy’ that isn’t being overused. Zero exertion really does keep sex fresh. And a little whipped cream now and then doesn’t hurt either.