Confessions of a Sexologist

“One out of ten patients have problems because of inadequate knowledge of sexual positions”

The youngest patient who came to me was a two-and-a-half year old boy. He would get up at night and lying prone, start jumping in bed [simulating sex]. It was a form of masturbation. The parents thought there was something wrong with him. I told them this was normal and to just ignore it.

My oldest patient was an 89-year-old gentleman from Lucknow who had just married for the third time. He told me, “Pehle toh hafte mein paanch-chhe baar hota tha, lekin abhi mushkil se teen baar hota hai.” (I could do it five to six times in a week earlier, but now I can only manage three).

I remember one couple, the man was 47, the woman 43 and they had been married for 25 years. But right from the wedding night, they were unable to consummate. The man told me that he has desire and he gets an erection. I normally keep two dolls in the clinic, a male and a female. I asked them to show me how they performed using the dolls. The only fault with him was he was keeping his legs outside hers. One out of ten patients who come to me have problems because of inadequate knowledge of sexual positions.

The majority of cases in males are about early orgasm (premature ejaculation), followed by inability to keep the penis erect (erectile dysfunction). In females, the most common is painful sexual intercourse (dyspareunia), inability to reach orgasm (orgasmic dysfunction) and painful involuntary spasms at the outer one-third part of the vagina while attempting penetration (vaginismus). Most men don’t devote enough time to foreplay. They use their partners as sleeping pills. Foreplay is to sex what warm-up is to exercise.

For the first three or four years, there was not one female patient. Now I even have women who come to me and say, ‘My husband is coming very fast. I am not satisfied. Please treat him, otherwise I am walking out of the marriage.’ This was unheard of earlier.

My treatment is supportive psychotherapy, behavioural modification and if there is an organic element, I advise medication. Many sexual problems are between the two ears and not between the two legs.

(The doctor is a leading sexologist from Mumbai)

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