Idle Pleasures

If the listlessness of L Sivaramakrishnan’s IPL commentary and the vapidity of cricket-challenged Samir Kochhar and Gaurav Kapoor is making you reach for another stiff one, turn your attention to this red-hot recommendation. I already know I have your undying gratitude. Go to www.testmatchsofa.com, go now, take my Beetle if you wish, for some of the most humorous, pointlessly entertaining cricket commentary ever. Pitched as an alternative to the BBC’s Test Match Special, half a dozen beer-soaked fanatics of the five-day game hole up for 35 hours of a Test in a south London flat, in front of microphones for some good old adda. Sometimes (as it’s now with England playing Bangladesh), the live podcasts begin at 3.15 GMT, but that affects the sofa’s Six Sigma standards of anarchy little. Why would it if you have the Old Speckled Hen for very early breakfast. The cast changes, but on most days it’s Daniel who plays the lead. Daniel describes himself as “without a doubt the greatest captain never to have scored a hundred for England in a Test match, and the love child of Douglas Jardine, Che Guevara and Jeffrey Bernard, who showed great promise in his youth with his smear through the off side and his chop behind point, rivalling the grace and elegance of his great hero David Gower in his pomp.” He intends to retire from cricket at 70 to take up Morphine and Golf. Daniel’s self-deprecating humour is delivered in public school accent. Crossbat’s other favourite occupants of the sofa include Jarod Kimber, an unfairly gifted Australian cricket writer, who runs the devilish blog cricketwithballs.com, and Manny, presumably the oldest member. Sample Kimber’s description of Tendulkar’s double hundred against South Africa: “Tendulkar, on the other hand, faced the world’s number one bowler, opened the batting and brutalised an entire attack. It was the cricketing equivalent of shagging someone so long and so hard that you both know you are going to wake up sore in the morning, but keep doing it because you’re having fun and you know that, in some sort of masochistic way, they are, too.” The description of live action on the pitch is rather insignificant (especially when England play Bangladesh), but it leads to conversations of great importance. Who is the ugliest cricketer ever. Will Paul Harris ever turn a cricket ball. How good Mark Nicholas would be hosting the celeb show ‘Come Shit with Me’. Is Andy Flintoff a tax-evading git? Even if you miss the live commentary, there are plenty of goodies in the archive. Do not miss the interview with cricket writer Gideon Haigh. As the sofa will tell you, it’s too effing good. If the listlessness of L Sivaramakrishnan’s IPL commentary and the vapidity of cricket-challenged Samir Kochhar and Gaurav Kapoor is making you reach for another stiff one, turn your attention to this red-hot recommendation. I already know I have your undying gratitude. Go to www.testmatchsofa.com, go now, take my Beetle if you wish, for some of the most humorous, pointlessly entertaining cricket commentary ever. Pitched as an alternative to the BBC’s Test Match Special, half a dozen beer-soaked fanatics of the five-day game hole up for 35 hours of a Test in a south London flat, in front of microphones for some good old adda. Sometimes (as it’s now with England playing Bangladesh), the live podcasts begin at 3.15 GMT, but that affects the sofa’s Six Sigma standards of anarchy little. Why would it if you have the Old Speckled Hen for very early breakfast. The cast changes, but on most days it’s Daniel who plays the lead. Daniel describes himself as “without a doubt the greatest captain never to have scored a hundred for England in a Test match, and the love child of Douglas Jardine, Che Guevara and Jeffrey Bernard, who showed great promise in his youth with his smear through the off side and his chop behind point, rivalling the grace and elegance of his great hero David Gower in his pomp.” He intends to retire from cricket at 70 to take up Morphine and Golf. Daniel’s self-deprecating humour is delivered in public school accent. Crossbat’s other favourite occupants of the sofa include Jarod Kimber, an unfairly gifted Australian cricket writer, who runs the devilish blog cricketwithballs.com, and Manny, presumably the oldest member. Sample Kimber’s description of Tendulkar’s double hundred against South Africa: “Tendulkar, on the other hand, faced the world’s number one bowler, opened the batting and brutalised an entire attack. It was the cricketing equivalent of shagging someone so long and so hard that you both know you are going to wake up sore in the morning, but keep doing it because you’re having fun and you know that, in some sort of masochistic way, they are, too.” The description of live action on the pitch is rather insignificant (especially when England play Bangladesh), but it leads to conversations of great importance. Who is the ugliest cricketer ever. Will Paul Harris ever turn a cricket ball. How good Mark Nicholas would be hosting the celeb show ‘Come Shit with Me’. Is Andy Flintoff a tax-evading git? Even if you miss the live commentary, there are plenty of goodies in the archive. Do not miss the interview with cricket writer Gideon Haigh. As the sofa will tell you, it’s too effing good.

Idle Pleasures

The Liberation of Bengal