The Scene at Tihar

A spoof on what goes on behind the jail’s ramparts

“See what I don’t understand,” said Suresh Kalmadi, “is why the man won’t go out?”

We were in Tihar jail and Kalmadi looked a little under the weather despite the bright blue polo T-shirt with ‘Champ’ emblazoned on it.

“I have my differences with the Government but when they are releasing you, it is just plain wrong to insist on remaining inside,” he said, pointing to the far end of the yard where Anna Hazare lay on the ground. He was surrounded by trays of piping hot food and there was a board nearby—‘With Compliments from Kapil Sibal’.

Kalmadi saw A Raja walking past and stopped him. He introduced us.  “Which service provider?” Raja asked me. I told him and he looked wistfully at my phone. “360 crore,” he said and winked.

Outside the wall, I could hear strains of a lesson in progress—‘A for Arumugam, B for Bharatiar, C for Chinnaswamy, D…’

“That’s Kani in the women’s ward,” said Raja. “She’s teaching English to poor and illiterate prisoners.”

From food trays, the steam rose tantalisingly and the aroma of spices fried in ghee wafted across to us.

“Will he sell the food?” Raja asked. “He’s not eating it anyway. Price no issue.”

“I don’t think so,” said Kalmadi. “He is not known to be reasonable.”

“Can you tell him he does not have to worry about getting caught” said Raja. “We can ask him to solicit tenders and then it’s just a matter of organising the cut-off dates.”

“It’s an idea,” said Kalmadi. “if he agrees, let’s start by forming a committee to auction the food. It should be fair. We will have elections to decide who will be on it.”

“I agree,” said Raja. “The voice of the people is supreme. Where’s Balwa? We’ll need funds for the election.”

“Also, I think the land on which the food stands should also be deregularised and sold. The committee can decide who to sell it to,” said Kalmadi.

“That is but obvious,” said Raja. “Where’s Balwa? He can buy it and build a housing complex on it.”

I interrupted to ask whether the area wouldn’t be too little for a housing complex. “Now that you mention it, yes,” said Kalmadi. “We’ll need the adjoining land too. It will have to be a priority on the committee’s agenda. Maybe it is time to start thinking about relocating this jail.”

About The Author

Madhavankutty Pillai

Madhavankutty Pillai has no specialisations whatsoever. He is among the last of the generalists. And also Open chief of bureau, Mumbai  

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