Impossible Love

Small is big when it comes to relationships, experts say. The most microscopic of minutiae have power equal to a nuclear bomb

Small is big when it comes to relationships, experts say. The most microscopic of minutiae have power equal to a nuclear bomb

: dirty socks on the floor, the way our partner chews so loudly, not putting down the toilet seat after a stint in the loo and similar habits. Irritations are inevitable in relationships. It’s just not possible to find another human being whose every quirk, habit and preference aligns perfectly with yours. But experts have advice for you. The fundamental challenge in a relationship, contends New York psychiatrist John Jacobs, is “figuring out how to negotiate and live with your partner’s irritants in a way that doesn’t alienate them and keeps the two of you connected”. If you want to stay in a relationship, you’ve got to be the change you want to see. “You don’t really live with the partner in your home. You live with the partner in your head,” explains Van Epp. It’s the fight in the head that needs to be won. Partners focus on what they’re getting, not on what they’re giving. But no matter how frustrating a partner’s behaviour, the person’s interpretation is the greater part of it. What matters is the meaning you attach to it.

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