Very Very Predictable

Can we officially ban people from calling Laxman Very Very Special? But, then, what would they call him?

Every time VVS Laxman does well, you know what the media headlines and stadium banners are going to be. Most of them are variations of ‘Very Very Special’, the tag that has draped itself around Laxman since his 281 against Australia at Eden Gardens.

It was an acceptable nickname at the time. Yes, it was lazy. A Maharashtra Navnirman Sena worker could have coined it. But it had its pluses. The phrase was effortless and apt. Everyone got it. Laxman too must have liked it, unlike Rahul Dravid, his slips neighbour, who revealed recently that they talk about kids and furniture between deliveries. Dravid has never been happy with the sterile identity forced on him by the media. ‘The Wall’ made him look dour. On the other hand, there is nothing to complain about ‘Very Very Special’. (‘What’s not to like?’ girls who watch American television would say).

But it is almost ten years since that 281. ‘Very Very Special’ has now become Very Very Stale. And yet, it won’t go away. Worse, every time the media or spectators flog this dead epithet, they think they are being oh-so-clever.

The main reason for this lack of spark is that we are just too lazy to try something original. On the few occasions that we are not, our efforts are resisted by the clichérati. Or we are just inhibited. Let’s be honest: India is not a great place to look for sports wit. For that you have to go to America, the land of Allen ‘The Answer’ Iverson, ‘Broadway’ Joe Namath and Willie ‘The Say Hey Kid’ Mays. You will have to go to England, where football fans sing ‘Bus stop in Aston, you are just a bus stop in Aston’ to opposition teams, the tune being Guantenamena. England is also the soil where cricket banners read ‘Be Afridi, be very Afridi’. You cannot leave out Australia, where fans implore, ‘Bring Back Horny Warnie’ or hold up a giant white sheet that says, ‘Bill Lawry’s Hanky’. Here in India, it is still ‘East or West, India is the best’. Or ‘Little Master’, if we are talking about nicknames. Or, ‘Very Very Special.’  Please.

We pray a day will come when the Indian sports space too fizzes with a certain talented madness. When VVS is called SOS, or the Kalai Lama, or Sita’s Secret Crush. Anything other than Very Very This and Very Very That.

About The Author

Akshay Sawai