Confessions of an Indian Diplomat’s Wife

“Indian women are seen to be formal in an informal way… We can host guests at short notice and turn out in our best silks”

Being an Indian diplomat’s wife is quite a challenge as we have to embody Indian culture as a whole, irrespective of the state you come from. Wives have to be well-versed in the famed ‘Indian culture’, at the same time, be modern in thought.

My first ‘posting’ was to an Arab country, when my husband and I were newly-married, and I was forced to cover my head and wear salwar kameez. But we did enjoy the hospitality as locals invited us out of curiosity to see the new Indian bride. In Europe, I found the weather to be extremely cold and it took me and my young son some time to adjust. By the time we got used to it, we had to move to a Buddhist country. I needed to brush up my knowledge of Buddhism and get used to the remoteness of my adopted country where TV had just been introduced.

Having an articulate, well-mannered and well-dressed wife is an advantage Indian diplomats have over their counterparts. Indian women are seen to be formal in an informal way and not fussy. We can host guests at short notice and turn out in our best silks.

Spouses cannot be seen empathising with the opposition in New Delhi. Diplomats or their spouses often question us subtly about our spouses’ work, habits and medical information. If we pass that on, we may actually compromise their positions.

In Germany, I remember guests would be at our doorstep five minutes in advance despite the freezing temperatures. They would ring the bell exactly at the appointed hour. We were told not to open the door even if we spotted them outside as it would be bad manners.

In some countries, maids and drivers cannot be trusted as they could be agents of foreign powers. Other spouses have told me not to follow daily patterns, not to drive myself, to use GPS-enabled phones and keep checking on kids and my spouse.

(The lady has accompanied her diplomat husband to an Arab country, Germany, the UK and Bhutan)

As told to Anil Budur Lulla

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